No SLeep Till Portland........Actually No Sleep Period.
 
           See I got this problem.... A big problem..... SLeep don't like me, so I don't like motherfuckin sleeps. Fuck NWA for the record. BUt yeah yo, I have a bit of this natural energy. The type that had me on that Ridlin shit for about 10 fuckin years. I also have supernatural powers. I can control the weather. Bring the rain motherfucka. SOme dipshits jaw will never be the same after my visit. I'll explain later.
 
          My Nike dogs (and if you ever see them in CT please give them the armed escort fellas. They wid us G) invited me to another testing/ excuse to hang out and live shit the fuck up with the homeboys. I ain't gonna lie homeboys and shit talkers, and believe me when I fuckin tell you,..... these trips are some of the best of my fuckin life and keeps reality hard to grasp.  I could have a good time in the middle of fuckin now where if I'm my crew and some shit is gonna happen reguardless. The sooner you realize it the better. Scott Keating and Darin OBrien told me of the mission. I was headed to Portland to peep the just finished new Nike TF with a bunch of the team. What the fuck? Yeah man yeah. I told  good old boy Charles Wilkins and he was down. Little did he know what he was in for. Nah check that, he proably had an inkling. Hope you don't sleep much homeboy. I use my heavy bag or clean my firearms while most the world sleeps.......thats actaully true. Point being I sleep an average of 4-5 hours a day tops. Can't help it yo, been that way since about the age of fuckin 3....... 3 months old that is.
 
      After the mandatory Wed night hesh sesh at the shop me and Charles kicked it with some shop crew till late then prepared for our early flight. By preparing that included watchin the new Natural Fuckin Koncept vid with beer till almost sunrise. AFter a long wait with a ticket bitch I couldn't even hear over the phone and sounded like some damn recording which switched my flights up until midnight the night before....the fuck was I , yeah yo we made it there. Charlie is nothing but good peeps and that made the travel go down smooth. ON a connecting flight I made a buddy with the dude sittin next to me. We helped ourselves to the unguarded and or free beer. Dude was fun as shit and we made up outr own dialog to the delighted passengers around us on the in flight movie from motherfucking hell.
 
     
    AFter gettin picked up in a fuckin limo, huh....check in to our Hotel we....hold the fuck up and time out....... Nike don't play son....... They put your fuckin boyband in places not meant for true pirate types. I'm a respectful person, but I am what I am and I'm cool with it wherever I might turn up. Its pure comedy. Think Donald Trump in the next room and loud music and Giraffe print fuckin robes next room runnin around the hotel, (with fuckin busted knuckelsat one point) Where the fuck is the ice up in this bitch anyhow? That and I got lost everytime I left the room. ACres and crops were also burned without opening windows and beyond simply attractive girlies sayin hello don't hate and it don't really matter........while in the next room they still yappin about wine or some shit. It makes for fun conversation and I people everywhere outside of Connecticut want to talk to me about where I'm from..... For the record speaking properly doesn't really warrent their praise cause I don't know what the fuck accent they are talking about, but it makes for fun times anyhow........ Attendance was mandatory with the Nike homeboys located at a gentlemens club only 5 blocks from the hotel. Hang tight yo, cause once them elevator doors open shits full speed ahead.

        Its always fun seein the fellas and I couldn't wait to get this mission goin. After a bunch of gangster hugs and what ups to a whole bunch of girlies that my wife woulda shot my assault rifle at, we settled in to a bunch of fun. Detials get fuzzy/ don't fuckin worry about it,...... but we made our way out after closing and me and Charlie got slightly seperated. My other homies had thrown in the towel only a few minutes before and I was slightly wrapped up in some bullshit that was takin much  longer than I cared for. But all that was about to change in a real tight time frame.
 
 
  AFter talkin with a crack head tellin him I had no change.....everyfuckin where I go yo, I get this shit......ask any of my delighted friends.....some shit is gonna happen......I was coming through a street crossing where some complete asshole asked me for a cig. I told him simply that I don't smoke. He took it a whole other way, and to the delight of his 2 buddies. Those 2 dipshits really didn't concern me, them fucks  were only about 160 each tops....but their buddy was fast approaching my personal space and patience. He was a bit larger. I ain't no he-man........and it ain't braggin.....but it ain't no secret..... I mighta been raised slightly different and being a white kid skating and growing up and living in Hartford, I have been through a bit of shit. The type of shit that makes confrontations like this not that big of a deal and I ain't doin this shit to impress dumb girls. It ain't the best idea. Wait for the next months issue of TheSkateboard mag for a whole other example. I ain't lyin.
 

 
   AFter a final warning and another freestyle battle.....even in Portland, you gotta be fuckin kidding me yo..... why is it in last batch of fights I've gotten in..... They always seem to want to freestyle battle or some 106 and park shit?...... I like to shut the fuck up and smile, and then simply hit them when they deserve it.......I usually skip the chest bump or whatever pussy shit.....  Mid rap lyric I introduced my right knuckle to his grill and fist fucked his toncil. I also releaved him of any worry of having hard food for the next few months. He deserved every damn bit of it and was simply lookin to jump someone with his 2 buddies cause a lotta "skater dudes" were meetin chicklets I'm sure. (Round these here parts we call them "haters" or simply "douches".) THey were just loaded up idiots, end of the bar time type,  bullshit lookin for it. A group of skaters also attending the event that weekend got to witness the classic rival festivities cause I was exactly one block up from our hotel. AFter leaving Dipshit with stegasoris arms face up in the crosswalk in a fetal position, I decided it might be best to ummm......run first a double back..........then  call it a night/morning. For the record, Portland pretty boys ain't shit. 6 hits then like woah. Don't even sweat it if you're out there dogs.
 
    Nike started the day off and picked us up in a fuckin travel fuckin bus. Word was already out and I answered the mornings obvious questions from the delighted crew.  They then took us to some employee only store place to get spoiled and then around the NIke Campus, which would itself be so dope to skate. That place would make most asians heads explode. I didn't take a single picture but saw plent of shit. They treat my homies right and got that game correct. We headed over to the newly finished NIke TF to try some new shoes droppin in a few months. 
 
   I got busy in the mini bowl that was fun as fuck but it was a bit hard to pay attention. I got a fuckin private demo and watched Wilkins fuckin rip shit with shop extended family Seth McCullum, Daryel Angel, Neen Williams, and hammertime Dan Plunkket. We hooked up with Old Dirty Crooks/Chalba, Matt Beach,Grant Taylor, some Girl kid,  man I don't know a bunch of heads fuckin slayin it and I felt like I was in a damn magazine come to life. Trust me yo I got a shit ton of sick mental pictures I won't forget. It was fuckin retarded and so sick. A bunch of the Creature possee and that Al Partainian dude. He looked a bit different in person and I didn't recognised him till we got drunk at the rented out bar and after party spot together later. He's a fuckin rad dude fo sho and we're bringin them Creature bastards out here for a mission this spring. I'm sure Josh's bowl as well as mine will get fuckin slayed by them.  Our homie Seth McCullum is ridin for them as well now. Congrats G!
 

  While on the road to chaos we hit the bars for round 3000.  I finally had a chance to meet up with Shop forever reppers Ruska (Russ Kalita) and my homie Sloandog (Brian Sloan) who both have been livin out there for a bit. I love them like brothers and its been way to long since we crushed some beers and got our skate on. I also bumped into old Brooklytn ripper Pat SMith and grabbed him up and gave him shit for leavin the East coast. I also told him he looked like one of the fuckin Beatles with his new hair doo. Pat can rub people the wrong way but I like the dude and he's been in on plenty of Lair craze. If you ever bump into Pat and wanna break the ice and put a smile on his face feel free to ask him about me and the Pig Eye Bouncer squad/ Whiskey night. This will work on Pensyl and Barnes as well. AH HA HA. Good times.

   AFter more craze on Mike Jordans credit card we awoke after a few mere hours to bright sunshine. My friends had been tellin me/ complete bitchin about how it was gonna rain and blah blah blah. Kill that noise I told them. Charlie also has that iphone shit thats supposed to be up to the second/ can make you teleport/set phazers to stun/ and whatnot but I was tellin them to kill that shit. "I control the fuckin weather yo" says me. They laughed and pointed, I opened the blinds to bright sunshine and not a cloud in sight. First time in weeks some chicklet in the lobby told me. No shit huh? Them fuckers, I ain't lyin. My OG homeboy from Harford Moo$e also hooked up with our posse the night before and me, him and Charlie went to go meet up at Burnside with SLoandog, Ruska, Seth McCullum and the ever confused Kris Ryan. Fuzzy headed bastard!
 
     I have been waitin to check Burnside for years. ANd thats all I did there pretty much. I got a few runs in but took 2 hippers that didn't help the moring fuzz one bit. Note to dumbass-self, do not set up new Ventures the day before a trip.......for real...... It was still so fun though and I met a bunch of the locs and it was nothin but good times. I had a fuckin blast. I'm also gonna take the time to tell you about Charlie cause homeboy straight kills it at any spot you got, ye fuckers. We also saw a dude get trapped into one of the newly painted bowls while Seth and I heckled our own  Ninja Challenge TV show commentary in his direction. Funny shit. We bounced out to hit the next park to satisfy a wetdream of mine and check one off the list. I have never had the pleasure of the full pipe yet yo and was beyond amped. I hasseled Russ till he gave in and we bounced out.

      The way on over i was a little less amped though when the boys in blue pulled us over. Whoops a daisy and church sermon later and  a fuckin 100 ticket for us all later we made it there......and it was easily worth every red cent. I'll actually pay that ticket cause I will be back out there. Being with Nike has many if not evey privlage.  That full pipe shit was beyond fun and the fucker emptyed out into 2 bowls, one being 12 feet deep and full on craze. I played Slayer, Bad Brains  and The Revrend Horten heat strictly at full blast my whole session while I realized that full pipes will be takin the place of Carmen Electra in my wetdreams for a minute yo. Holy shit, best fuckin shit ever. Charlie and Russ also put a beating on that bastard. Epicness with ease.
 
      We got back to the hotel and tested there security a few more times and then bounced to dinner. It was my homeboy Seths dirty 30 birthday and I wanted to hook a brotha up. AFter some steak and shrimp hold the rabbit food, at a dope ass resturant,  we got some brew haw and kicked it Biggie Smalls style in the pimp suite. Pulled an all nighter and straight to the airport for the trip home. I think I slept a total of 5 hours in about 5 days cause thats how it goes son. We landed in the fuckin Tundra where my girlie picked us up in the welcoming 10 below Tundra bullshit weather. I fuckin love Connecticut though and after all that shit, I  couldn't really give a fuck less. Endless thanks to Nike for spoiling my ass like always, Cheers to Darin OBrien, Scotty Keating, Dugan, and everyone else that looks out over at that building and supports our little slice of chaos. And to all the dudes and all to friendly girlies that threw free drinks and shrubs in my direction.....what the fuck? A little different.